This year Christmas is going to be an emotional one in our house.. Memories of last year, all the battles and trauma that followed and all the pain we've faced in 2016. I think we will be glad to see the back of this year in some ways but we are truly thankful that we still have Dylan with us so our emotions are definitely running high as we approach the festive season..
Christmas Day 2015 was a disaster.. we had worked so hard to make the build up to Christmas magical like we do every year as it is my absolute favourite time of year. Not because of the gifts but the whole feeling that surrounds it of family and warmth and hope for the future. The way the children's eyes light up at the fairy lights on every house we pass in the car, the whole 'Elf on The Shelf' tradition that has them giggling each morning, the baking, the crafts, the events happening everywhere. Whether it's from being a December baby myself I don't know but I've always loved Christmas until last year.
Dylan wasn't himself and was miserable opening presents. He was tired and moody and we didn't know why. He didn't want his lunch and started to get sick and hyperventilate. That's when we realised there was a problem and took him to the walk in clinic, followed by an ambulance ride to A&E and that was where this journey all began. After an X-ray we were quickly moved into the resus bay 'just incase' and were told Dylan had a collapsed lung and it appeared that his lungs were likely covered in cysts called Bullae.. another ambulance ride to QMC and theatre just before midnight for his first chest drain. We spent the rest of December and the New Year in the hospital..
Of course you know the rest of the story.. despite attempting to redo Christmas in January it wasn't the same with the big black cloud of a potential terminal illness hanging over our heads..
Now fast forward to this year and myself and Mike are determined to try our utmost to make it special not only for Dylan and Bryce who missed out on so much last year, but also for Logan's first Christmas. We've gone overboard with shopping, started planning our ideas for our 'Elf' each day, planned lots of crafts and baking and we have brought at Christmas jumpers for the kids. Truthfully we've even watched a few Christmas movies already too!!
Yesterday the two eldest boys helped the wonderful Caroline Blake switch on Derby Intu's Christmas lights and I have to say it was an amazing experience we are so grateful for. They enjoyed every second and we hope this marks the start of a joyful festive season and hopefully a happy new year. There will be some sadness surrounding painful memories and thoughts of those friends lost along the way and those far away but there will also be so much joy and happiness that the two will balance out and no doubt tears will be shed for both reasons.
We do have two cycles of Chemotherapy to get out of the way in December first.. one runs from Nov 29th - Dec 2nd but the final one of the year runs Dec 20th - 23rd which is so close to Christmas it makes me nervous! If anything goes wrong that cycle such as a bad reaction, fever or line infection then we are looking at a stay in the QMC again like last year. But truthfully after almost loosing Dylan at Easter, all that matters is that we are all together on Christmas Day, no matter where that may be!
We didn't dream that we would still have Dylan with us this year and sadly not all families have their loved ones and children at Christmas so it's important during all the festivities to remember to think of those no longer with us and be thankful and grateful for everything we have.. <3
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