Feeling Isolated

I'm starting to really see the effects Dylan's illness has had on Bryce as we approach the end of term activities. I'm lucky that he is a very outgoing boy and will often just invite himself into the group to play without a second thought, but as an outsider I can see the awkwardness of the situation. They all have their little cliques and friendship groups and I feel we are slightly isolated from those.

When everything first happened with Dylan it put a stop to plans we had for Bryce as well. He wasn't able to attend birthday parties as we were stuck in ICU with Dylan, so the invites soon stopped. He couldn't attend the out of school clubs because we couldn't afford it at the time due to the costs of hospital travel etc, plus we were already relying on other people to drop him off and collect him from school, we couldn't really ask they give up their evenings and weekends as well to ferry him to football or Beavers for example.

Once things settled down and Dylan came home I signed Bryce up for Beavers and every school subsidised club going but he struggled to mingle with the other children as they had already moved on and formed their new friendship groups whilst our lives had screeched to a halt. The one thing we didn't sign him up for was football because I was very aware how 'behind' all his peers he would be unlike with Beavers where they all do the same activity each week. 

And that was probably my biggest mistake.. he hates that he doesn't go to football with his friends but it's just not feasible either with Mike's shifts. All his 'friends' attend clubs he doesn't or have been spending time together outside school when he was stuck at Nanna's house for months on end. They seem to all have formed a strong bond as have the parents, people I thought I got on well with and vice versa barely speak to me these days..

When Dylan was first poorly I really struggled with the school run (I still do on bad days) and didn't want to talk to anybody at first so I kept my head down and stayed in the corner, but I can see how this hasn't helped because I just don't have a relationship with the parents of Bryce's friends. I stay in my comfort zone and only talk to the two or three people that I know which isn't helping Bryce. Whilst their children ARE friends with him, they aren't the friends he would play with at say lunchtime, because they are all girls and have their own games and groups of friends of course.

I do the same with Dylan though. I don't really talk to anybody at nursery because I hate talking about Dylan's illness and that is all people want to talk about!!! And with Logan.. I've actually stopped taking Logan to playgroup the last two months because I'm sick of being introduced to people as ''Dylan the boy who collapsed and nearly died's mum." Ugh!!

I am starting to feel very isolated. I've kept people at arms length because of how I've been feeling, and in turn people have done the same to me because nobody knows what to say to that depressed 'Cancer mum'. Everybody has gone about their lives meeting up, doing playdates, football, days out, nights out etc. while I've been stuck staring at four walls of either a hospital ward or this house.

I only hope that moving to Junior school may provide some fresh faces and a fresh start for Bryce. And I need to try and pull myself out of this depression and try for my children's sake to make friends. Feeling pretty terrible as a parent this week that's for sure..

Chicken Pox & Chemotherapy Patients

Why is the chicken pox virus so dangerous to chemotherapy patients?

It is quite simple really.. patients undergoing chemotherapy have a weakened immune system therefore cannot fight off the virus and it can cause serious complications such as pneumonia and blood poisoning such as toxic shock and sepsis, which can be deadly because these complications use up neutrophils quicker than the body can produce them.

Chemotherapy slows the production of blood cells, killing them off as they grow and divide. The white blood count typically goes down first because these have the shortest life span of the blood cells. Part of our white blood cells are made up of neutrophils which are used to fight off infections. If these drop below 1 then a person is less likely to be able to fight off an infection. If they drop below 0.5 a person is at serious risk of become extremely unwell from a minor illness such as a cough or cold. A persons counts are usually lowest 7-10 days after chemotherapy and they can take 2 weeks to recover by which point another dosage of chemotherapy is due for some patients such as Dylan for example.

In a person with damaged lungs or lung disease such as Dylan again, any illness that carries the risk of progressing to pneumonia can be devastating. Dylan nearly died last year from pneumonia because he quite simply does not have enough healthy lung tissue to cope with infection. You'd be surprised how many people out there have lung problems.

It is extremely frustrating to explain why chicken pox is so dangerous over and over. This doesn't just apply to chemotherapy patients either. If you go out into the world with active chicken pox or shingles you are risking EVERYBODY with any underlying health problems, this includes pregnant women, premature babies, newborn babies, elderly, those with lung problems, heart problems and other chronic conditions to name a few.

Please think before you go out into the world when unwell even if you feel fine. What may be minor to one person can be deadly to another. You never know if somebody has an underlying condition, are in the early stages of pregnancy, whether they care for an elderly relative or whether them or a sibling of theirs is receiving chemotherapy. It's not worth risking other people's lives. I do understand we all have busy lives with jobs to do and children to get to and from school but please ask for help in these situations. It may be a slight inconvenience to you, but imagine the inconvenience of having a child seriously unwell in hospital for months on end. Or having to split siblings up and have family take time off work because one has caught something that is too high risk to be near the other. PLEASE walk a mile in our shoes before you put your own on and head out that door in the morning. Thank you.

And on a side note, those saying we should keep him at home... REALLY?! Would YOU keep an active four year old at home all day everyday? He already missed out on five months of his life confined to a hospital bed last year and we've had to fight hard to get him back to where he should be for his age. Plus HE fought hard against all odds to be here today and he deserves to live his life and enjoy it!! A few simple precautions is all it takes from others, and that is all we ask for.