Life isn't always what it seems, you never know the story behind somebody's photograph, their car, their clothes, their smile or their sadness. I've faced a lot of judgement this past year in many ways and sadly I know others have too. Here is but a snippet of what my life may look like to the outside world vs the reality...
I drive a different car.. yes it is a brand new one but no I don't own it. It is a motability car for Dylan to ensure we have a reliable vehicle that won't break down in an emergency. I'm not a car snob nor did we win the lottery or have a short fall.. It's a rental that will have to go back when Dylan is no longer entitled to higher rate DLA etc. I know people see me get out the car and think me a 'snob' but I assure you I am not! And if I'm wearing my sunglasses it's because I'm tired and the light is hurting my eyes!!
Yes I've lost weight.. admittedly I am only slightly under the weight I was prior to conceiving Logan but considering where I was a few years ago it is a shock to some that haven't seen me in a while. I didn't put on a lot of weight in pregnancy until near the end and it's dropped off very rapidly, and is still doing through stress if I don't ensure I eat enough. Unfortunately after three children the weight has fallen off all the wrong places but not my 'mum tum' which is typical!! My clothes don't fit and I haven't the time nor finances to replace my whole wardrobe at once. No I'm not on a diet so I can't share my secrets with you.. stress is a lot to blame!
My hair is a different colour, in an attempt to take some of the stress of maintaining red hair away I decided to go a bit more natural with blonde highlights and have gradually built up to more blonde. This might seem like a hassle and high maintenance to some but for me it's actually easier than box dying my hair myself every few weeks.. I get to sit back and relax for an hour every six weeks while somebody does it for me. It's the only 'me time' I get!
Yes I am one of those mums that bakes with her kids and makes homemade cards and decorations. I google ideas for 'Elf On The Shelf' and try to come up with new exciting ideas.. not because I'm competitive but more my eldest monkey can remember what the sodding thing did three years ago never mind just last year!!
I have been called a 'Pinterest Mum' once or twice because I pin ideas on there for crafts and activities to do with my children. That is my way of interacting with my children. Some parents play cars, some wrestle and tickle, some go to parks every day on the way home from school. My children like a 'challenge' and to be kept busy so I oblige and you know what, I love it and it stops them squabbling. It is not for everybody though and to put things in perspective..
There are days I struggle to shower because the kids are just having a bad day. There are days they squabble constantly and I feel like all I've done is shout at them. There are days I spend all day working on my phone or at the desk. There are weeks we don't go anywhere except school. There are days I long for them to go to bed so I can crawl in myself at 8pm.. I guess what I'm trying to explain is that we are all only human..
Parents don't always post photographs on the internet to be 'braggy' or compete with other parents. Sometimes it's genuinely to show family that might live miles away what the children have been doing. Others it's a way to back up precious memories, I personally know of somebody who had their phone stolen at playgroup which contained photos of their new baby that they hadn't yet put on the computer.. but thankfully they posted all their pictures to Facebook at the end of everyday.
We do take the children on lots of days out in the summer to theme parks etc. and I'm aware that can look like we do loads of stuff to the outside world, but what you don't realise is most of those are done via coupons or free tickets from The Sun newspaper. What people also don't realise is that those days out are done on my husband's days off because I don't generally have any friends that I meet up with at any other point. Those days out are as much for me as they are the children.
You won't see me outside at parks or walking to and from school this winter, the cold is too much for Dylan's chest. You'll notice I miss school plays, meetings, craft days etc from time to time either because of appointments or because I'm so exhausted I forget. I don't always attend playgroups anymore and when I do I tend to sit on my own in the corner because I'm too shy to make new friends.
Do not judge a book by it's cover, or it's photographs! That mum bottle feeding her newborn doesn't need to justify herself. The mum whose child looks like they are wearing dirty clothes may well have just spent hours playing at the park. That family that struggles to meet ends meet might spend hours sitting reading to their children giving them quality time over monetary gifts. The mum that just posted a photograph of massive stack of presents may have saved all year and got lots reduced in the sales, what might look like loads may have only cost £50-£60 as opposed to the tiny stack somebody else photographs, containing iPads, expensive lego sets, mobile phones etc.
As long as you know in your heart that you are the best parent you can be for your children then please try to pay no mind to the comments of others, and try not to pass judgement in return.. <3
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