Christmas in our house was a little rocky again, although thankfully not as bad as last year! Dylan was unwell with norovirus and we did end up in the hospital both on Christmas Day for a few hours in the afternoon and again on Boxing Day via ambulance for an overnight visit. Mostly we had a nice Christmas, the boys got the gifts they wanted, we had a nice relaxed morning opening gifts and a lovely relaxed Christmas dinner just the five of us. We didn't see any other family due to illnesses and holidays which made it a little difficult but we managed. The whole thing felt a little anti climatic to me which I was sad about because I had been looking for to it all month. Still the children were happy and we got to spend the day (mostly) all together with our three boys. And that is more than a lot of people have.
New Years was a lot better. I had mixed feelings about starting the new year after such a rollercoaster last year. I didn't particularly want to celebrate but then I also didn't want to dwell on the negatives. We went for a meal together for lunchtime on New Years Eve and had a browse around the sales then we came home and he eldest boys worked on their lego sets with Daddy. Due to our unexpected Christmas hospital trip, I hadn't cooked any of the 'buffet' food I had purchased for Christmas Day or Boxing Day so we had a little family 'party' watching films and eating party food. The boys stayed up until nearly 10pm playing (not Logan he was in bed by 8pm) and to be honest we followed shortly after!! New Years Day we went to visit Mike's family in London for a belated Christmas and New Years roast dinner and gift exchange.
Back to reality today though for me! Mike didn't get much time off over Christmas really (except the extra day for Dylan being unwell) so I have been revelling in the time with the boys all to myself and building so much lego! Today the eldest two both went back to nursery and school, however, so the Christmas tree has sadly been taken down. I had mixed feelings about doing this task too.. the house just doesn't feel as cheerful without it but it was time.
In the spirit of the New Year I have set myself some goals to achieve this year rather than resolutions such as making a new friend, going out more, taking more photographs, doing a charity race, focusing on fundraising for the hospital.
I also want to try to manage my anxiety better and get more sleep as my health is suffering now.. We are approaching 12 months since certain milestone dates now. The first being Christmas Day of course that unfortunately didn't pass without some minor drama but we were already on edge to begin with! Soon it'll be a year since his referral to GOSH and his second admission date and then the date he collapsed at playgroup etc. but I need to focus on not letting these overwhelm me and trigger my PTSD.
We also have a scan date looming which will potentially have a lot of impact on Dylan's future so whilst we wait on confirmation of that and also wait to see his consultant again we are just counting down each chemo cycle and waiting, waiting, waiting...
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